Adulting Series: The Power of "No"

This article is part of my Adulting Series. In my experience as a teacher of high school and community college young adults, I've been asked many questions about general life stuff we all need to know about. I decided to write a series of articles to address these questions, as well as other information that is worth sharing, even if no one specifically asked.

Navigating adulthood can often feel like an uphill battle, no matter how long you've been doing it. But for the newly-minted adult doing life on your own for the first time, it can feel overwhelming. Whether you're juggling school, work, social commitments, or all of the above, the pressure to constantly say "yes" can be overwhelming. But alongside the noise of expectations and obligations, you have a powerful tool that is often overlooked: the ability to say "no." Regardless of who you are or where you come from, the power of "no" can change your life.

At its core, saying "no" is an act of self-preservation. It's about recognizing your own boundaries, limitations, and priorities. We live in a world that glorifies busyness and productivity, so it's easy to lose sight of the importance of self-care. By saying "no" to activities or requests that drain your energy or detract from your well-being, you are actively investing in your own mental, emotional, and physical health.

Saying "no" is also an assertion of your autonomy. It's a declaration that your time, energy, and resources are valuable and deserve to be allocated according to your own wishes and aspirations. Too often, we find ourselves saying "yes" out of fear of disappointing others or because of societal pressures. But constantly prioritizing the needs of others over our own can lead to burnout and resentment. Learning to assert ourselves and say "no" when necessary empowers us to take ownership of our lives and chart our own course.

In addition, saying "no" is an essential skill for setting boundaries in relationships and establishing healthy dynamics. Whether it's declining a social invitation that doesn't align with your interests or refusing to take on additional responsibilities when you're already stretched thin, saying "no" communicates your needs and establishes clear expectations. It's a form of self-advocacy. For example, if someone asks you to join a committee for a social function, for your child's school, or even at your church, it's OK to say no if you just don't have the time or energy. And that's what you can tell them - "No, I just don't have the time or energy to add another responsibility to my schedule."

Of course, saying "no" isn't always easy. It can feel uncomfortable, awkward, or even guilt-inducing, especially if you're young and/or accustomed to being a people-pleaser. However, like any skill, it takes practice to master. And remember, you can decline an invitation or request politely by saying no, thank you. Just because you are setting a boundary doesn't mean you have be rude. And it's perfectly fine to state why you saying no; that often makes it easier to do. For example, if you are invited to go out with friends or co-workers after work, but you are just tired and want to go home, you could say, "Thank you for inviting me, but I've had a long day, and I just want to go home and unwind alone." That way, you have properly thanked them for including you in their plans and you declined politely, leaving the door open to be invited again. Because the next time they ask, you might feel like saying yes. Start by setting small boundaries and gradually work your way up. Remember that saying "no" doesn't make you selfish or unkind – it simply means you're prioritizing your own well-being and self-respect.

But let's talk about saying "no" at work: if your boss asks you to do something, you can't just say, "no, thank you." If your manager or team leader has given you a task that you don't think you can finish in time, or you feel overwhelmed by your workload, that's a real issue that needs to be discussed and dealt with, but you can't just say no to your boss. Schedule some time to talk to your manager, team leader, or mentor (if you have one). They should be able to listen to your concerns and help you work through them in a constructive way. They might offer you more training, redistribute your workload, or help you find ways to manage your time more effectively. So while setting boundaries is important, when you're at work it's often more about asking for help than just saying "no."

So to summarize, the power of saying "no" is a something we often forget we have. It helps keep us from being stretched too thin or becoming overwhelmed by life. So, the next time you're faced with a request or opportunity that doesn't align with your values or priorities, don't be afraid to say "no." Remember, it's not just about what you're saying "no" to – it's about what you're saying "yes" to: yourself.